Texts From Last Night

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  (702): View more from Nevada

  i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers

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  (702): i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers http://tfl.nu/2g28
  Replies (3) Good night (2566) Bad night (430)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.

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  (812): i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys. http://tfl.nu/wntn
  Replies (73) Good night (7472) Bad night (765)
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.

  (1-828): View more from North Carolina

  Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.

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  (828): Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy. (1-828): Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid. http://tfl.nu/eif0
  Replies (8) Good night (625) Bad night (3536)
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  (337): View more from Louisiana

  Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.

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  (337): Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things. http://tfl.nu/jc42
  Replies (9) Good night (1121) Bad night (3064)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously

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  (440): he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously http://tfl.nu/mrdz
  Replies (13) Good night (4321) Bad night (651)
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  (315): View more from New York

  I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.

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  (315): I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong. http://tfl.nu/20fz
  Replies (26) Good night (7198) Bad night (938)
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  (337): View more from Louisiana

  I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.

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  (337): I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe. http://tfl.nu/8iw1
  Replies (13) Good night (2784) Bad night (1012)
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle

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  (423): Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle http://tfl.nu/m7ud
  Replies (7) Good night (2021) Bad night (730)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum

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  (816): She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum http://tfl.nu/72bu
  Replies (11) Good night (2537) Bad night (983)
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  (845): View more from New York

  I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try

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  (845): I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try http://tfl.nu/7nb7
  Replies (1) Good night (1549) Bad night (533)
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  (626): View more from California

  Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...

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  (626): Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything... http://tfl.nu/rago
  Replies (19) Good night (2841) Bad night (686)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.

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  (715): On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good. http://tfl.nu/74vq
  Replies (11) Good night (1266) Bad night (374)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.

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  (203): In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window. http://tfl.nu/vk8f
  Replies (6) Good night (468) Bad night (1029)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence

  (1-505): View more from New Mexico

  That sucks

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!

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  (505): I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence (1-505): That sucks (505): It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee! http://tfl.nu/y3d0
  Replies (2) Good night (619) Bad night (249)
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.

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  (651): I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night. http://tfl.nu/yvx0
  Replies (3) Good night (225) Bad night (377)

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