every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"