I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
