College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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