you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I think I sprained my soul last night
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Everclear isn't food dammit
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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