In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
πππ what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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