pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
