I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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