did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I AM VODKA MAN
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
