i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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