Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
