Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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