I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
