If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
