yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
don't judge my taste in strippers
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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