im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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