I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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