Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
