Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Never joke about your clitoris.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
