i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Randomize
