The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
two words: eviction party
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
