He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
