Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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