So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
