after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
