1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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