Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
