Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
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His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
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I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
the raccoons are back...
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