You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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