I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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