You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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