If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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