Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
