I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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