i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
