I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
