I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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