i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
