My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
im six kinds of drunk right now
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
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