So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
