bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
