when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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