Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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