Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
