Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
