Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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