At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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