i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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