everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
