I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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