i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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