Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
