Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
