You just made me feel so damn special
I CAN MOONWALK!
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
