sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
