I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize