Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
