So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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