can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
