It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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