drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
operation have a gay friend backfired
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
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