Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
