Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I would fuck him just for his dog
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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