the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize