Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Be still, my beating vagina.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
