His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
