Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
