can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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