Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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