I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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