I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
