Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
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