so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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