mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
