Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
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So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
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I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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