You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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