The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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