He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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