did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
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eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
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I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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