omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize