My friends, they love my intelligence
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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