I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
